You've Got a Long Way to Go, Girl

Hello! I have so much to update about, however I have little internet time and I must spend it all rapidly trying to submit a grant application before the deadline!!! #procrastinatorproblems

So here's a little piece I wrote for the upcoming issue of La Vaina (basically, 'The Thingamabob') the PC Panama volunteer literary magazine. Hope you enjoy. Will be in the city for mid-service med appointments next week and I'll do a big 'ol life update then :)

~

You've Got a Long Way to Go, Girl

My journal entries, phone calls to my parents, WhatsApp messages with fellow volunteers are full of complaints. The kids trash my porch, the adults hardly show up to meetings, people still don’t understand why I’m here, students aren’t motivated to succeed in school…and the list goes on. I realize with horror how much I sound like a person whom, because of her education level or wealth or perceived intelligence or whatever, thinks she is somehow better than those surrounding her. And this is anything, anything but the truth.

After 11 months I have hardly scratched the surface of a true understanding of my gente, what makes them tick and why they think and act like they do. On the contrary, they somehow understand me completely; often I am struck with the thought that my gente know me better than I know myself. I was paseando with Miriam, and I was in a terrible mood but making my absolute best effort to smile, chat, and pretend like everything was normal. All of a sudden Miriam asks, “Why are you so sad, Bei?” How did she do that?! Her mother Elsa comes into the room and sticks out her hand for my plate and spoon. Feeling ashamed that I forgot my bowl, I tell her thank you, but I’m not hungry today. Elsa narrows her eyes and disappears into the kitchen, returning with a perfectly small portion of rice and mustard green soup in a little bowl. How did she know this was exactly what I wanted?!

But the person who gets me more than anyone is my 11-year old host brother, Walter. I turned down the invitation to an overnight excursion with the Adventist church by pretending I had an important compromiso the next day when truthfully, I just didn’t want to go. I figured I had convinced them until Walter came by my porch as soon as they returned and asked, “Bei, really, why didn’t you go this weekend?” Another time we were relaxing around the house, and out of the blue he asks me, “Bei, if your family had a kid like Tito, would you care for him?” Tito is a severely disabled grandson who lives with my host family. I began to stumble through an answer, “Well, of course we would, but it’s different in the States…” I know that I wouldn’t be able to care for him without ever uttering a single complaint, nor make the necessary sacrifices to ensure that he was attended to by an immediate family member 24 hours a day, 365 days a year like my host family does. As I struggled to find the words to explain this, my family stared at me and in that moment it was clearer than ever that the gente see me for who I really am – someone who is selfish at heart, someone who doesn’t possess a fraction of their innate compassion and generosity. When planning charlas we say to “get down to their level”, but I disagree with this statement; I need to get UP to their level. My gente are, absolutamente, better human beings than I will ever be. I’ve got a long way to go and I am so grateful that my community has opened their hearts and let me in so that I can begin down that road.

~

And a few people I love!

 Tatiana enjoying lemongrass tea wearing the princess crown

 Marcelino & Isaías harvesting oranges

 Elvin (and Cuchi Cuchi of course)

 My tocaya Bei checking out some childrens books & Melisa

 Tito & I watching soccer

Adrián at a penca hut workday

Getting my Maestra On

Hello / Buenas / Ñantöre! First – I must make an update to two posts back. I wrote about my host nephew coming over asking for ten cents to make a copy, and how silly I thought that was. I stand corrected because I recently learned that the students are asked to each bring in ten cents so that the teachers can print out worksheets in San Felix. This is one of the expenses authorized under the beca universal –the check that each Panamanian student collects three times a year as long as he or she receives passing grades. For elementary schoolers, the amount is $90/student, for high schoolers it’s more but I can’t remember the exact amount. The beca is used for buying school uniforms or fabric to sew uniform naguas, notebooks, pencils, backpacks, food, transportation, and any expenses requested by the teachers. There is no real tracking of how families spend the becas, so you’ll see families eating really well the week after they collect and then handfuls of kids missing the first few days of class in the new school year because they don’t have shoes, there is no money to purchase shoes, and students are not allowed in school without shoes. I see this as a huge problem, one of several in the public school system. In our elementary school teachers frequently miss days of class, and there are no substitutes. On any given day, at least one or two grades won’t have class because the teacher is not there. Sometimes the students are told in advance and sometimes they make the trek (up to an hour, uphill, for some kids in my community) just to find that the teacher didn’t show up. I could go on ranting but it’s not my place; I am a foreigner, I’m not in the profession, I don’t understand the complexities. What I do know is that there is a huge resource and quality gap in public education between wealthy and poor areas, a problem not at all unique to Panama. As a graduate of 17 years of high-quality public schools and a lifetime nerd who always loved going to class, what I can do is to encourage kids and parents to make education their priority and show them what amazing things education can do.

So today I want to write about some POSITIVE things that have been going on in the academic world here in the Comarca! First, motivation for my community English class continues to be high, so we’ve been having class often, sometimes even several a week. My students are advancing in their vocabulary and basic sentence formation and we have fun with games like charades, Pictionary, Telephone, and Simon Says.

An English class with host uncle Julio and the teachers in Cerro Mesa

Gallina's English class, including my star students Dionicio and Virginia, who may or may not be having a love affair (what have I started)

I spent a morning teaching 5^th and 6^th graders about the water cycle and watershed protection. We talked about the scarcity of potable water in the world and ways we can conserve it, how our agricultural and ranching communities pollute our streams and rivers, the importance of tree coverage in the watershed, and how we can preserve the quality of water for downstream communities. On the whiteboard I drew a map of our entire Salto Dupí watershed, and had the kids draw it too in their notebooks. This way, they have a visual to remind them that as residents of Cerro Gallina and Cerro Mesa, the highest communities on the ridgeline, we have an obligation not to throw trash and chemicals into the rivers – they will wind up in the laundry of our downhill neighbors! The 5^th grade teacher Manuel was very into the topic and invited me back the next week to plant trees around the school to protect the watershed, ohh yeah! I went and it ended up being me watching Javier, one of the best gardeners in town, plant trees haha, but it’s the idea that’s important.

This is a photo of a map of our watershed that was made by a group of McGill University students. It includes all of the named quebradas and rivers, communities, and even land usage (yellow: grazing/agriculture and green: forest). Pretty cool! This is what I based the chalkboard drawing on.

Sadly, I was too busy teaching and don’t have any photos of this day :(

Eugenio and I had a productive four days at the Project Management & Leadership (PML) conference in Coclé! It was definitely way out of his comfort zone and I think he learned a lot about forming strong groups, thinking about budgeting and time management, writing formal letters, and presenting ourselves to agencies. I enjoyed seeing my friends interact with their counterparts and picking up new facilitation ideas from our awesome Panamanian facilitators. My friend Kevin’s counterpart Mario was also into singing, so for the talent show I played the ukulele and we sang a Spanish song together (one of my favorite campfire songs, Pass It On – in Spanish Lo Debes Compartir) we had only run through it twice before the show so it was kinda rough haha but it was fun. I would LOVE to do a shorter, similar seminar in-site this coming year. I mentioned it to Eugenio and he agreed that community members could really benefit from education on some of these topics. I’m thinking of planning a one or two-day seminar for maybe this October, with Eugenio as one of my co-facilitators!

 Eugenio and I literally filling each others' tanks.

Friends in naguas at PML

And finally, Elige Tu Vida in Hato Pilón! In typical Panama fashion, a day and a half before the seminar was to start I began to develop a nasty rash on my face and woke up the morning of the first day with eyes so swollen I could hardly see. Soooo I missed the first day of the seminar to go get medicine and spend a night in David, but my friends picked up the slack. I was back the next day, and the three days I did get to facilitate went super well. We trained early 200 7^th, 9^th, and 10^th graders on goal-setting, tank-filling, STI’s, HIV prevention, sexual rights, consent, and consequences of teenage pregnancy. I loved seeing the students laugh during our socio-dramas, pay close attention when we explained anatomy and write excellent questions for the anonymous question box. And the high school counselor was so excited to have us there, she was in the classroom with us nearly the whole time for four days :) We’d like to do ETV again for the 8^th, 10^th and 12^th graders as well as for the high school in Dupí later this school year.

So overall, I’d say my various teaching roles have been the most fulfilling part of my Peace Corps service thus far. June 6th marked 365 DAYS in the country of Panama! It’s hard to believe we’ve been here an entire year. And to celebrate a year in-country (actually the dates are just a coincidence) Michelle arrived on the 6th to visit me!!! Will write about her trip in a future post. Also, some bad news…my iPhone was stolen. In brief, either it fell out of my chakra or was snatched while I was in a taxi and is now long gone. I’ve gotten a new phone number for calls and Whatsapp and updated it under the Contact Me tab above. Luckily (thanks to iCloud) I still have all my contacts and should be able to recover a lot of my stuff. So I will be a little more absent from social media for a while for this reason. Also I lost my most recent photos, including ones from the Elige Tu Vida :( Sorry everyone.

My birthday!

Week's veggie haul from the amazing veggie & fruit place in Las Lajas

Water level surveying with Walter, Roger, and Victor! (project updates coming soooooon)

Went to the beach with some of my favorite gente for an overnight trip to hunt crabs.

Let's hope my face NEVER looks like this again!!

Sribire krubäte jadenkä krubäte

The Ngäbere equivalent of “work hard play hard”. (Can you tell where I went to undergrad?!) While probably not the most relevant title for this post, I will be talking about what we’ve been working on lately, and some fun stuff!

First up: Mom and Dad’s visit to Panama! They arrived April 27 and we spent a few days in the city checking out the ruins of Old Panama (before Captain Morgan arrived), the canal visitors’ center, Casco Viejo, the fish market, a rainforest preserve in Colon, the Bio Museum, and went to mass in a beautiful Catholic church. On Sunday morning we headed out early, stopped in Santiago for groceries, left the car at the RL house in San Felix, taxied to the piquera, and boarded the chiva to head up to Cerro Gallina! This was the part of the trip I was most excited about - showing my parents to my community for the first time - and at the same time most nervous about. What if someone gets parasites, we get caught hiking in a thunderstorm, I lose my house key, etc…but everything went smoothly. I introduced them to campo life, we visited some of my favorite families, and I showed them some spring sources to be developed. The second day, I had planned a meet-and-greet type event in the rancho. We prepared popcorn, watermelon, chicha, cacao, apples & peanut butter, and tuna salad on crackers for the community to try. WAY MORE people than I expected showed up - I counted 53 attendees! It was a whirlwind but the gente definitely enjoyed the food and tossing the Frisbee discs my parents gifted to the community. Dad was named Jidi and Mom was named Mechi. After the event it started to downpour and we ended up having a whole crew camped out on my porch waiting out the rain, asking English homework questions and playing with Cuchi, Cuchi, Tuna, and Scooby Doo. For the last leg of the trip, we drove to Almirante, left the car, and took a water taxi to Bocas Town on Isla Colon. What a quirky little place! I kind of loved the combination of Indigenous, Latino, Caribbean/Jamaican influence (heard some of the elusive language Guari Guari for the first time!), and tourist culture that formed the town. We rode bikes, snorkeled, cruised around on a catamaran, and one day headed back to the mainland for a day trip to my friend Willy’s organic chocolate farm and factory - the same one I toured during my visit as a trainee nearly ten months ago (!!). The whole trip we ate great food, including sushi twice, two tuna steaks, shrimp udon, curried mahi mahi, ceviche three times (holy seafood) plus some wonderful margaritas, sangria…things that I certainly cannot afford with my living allowance. Overall it was fantastic to see my parents and catch up, show off everything that I have learned so far, and demonstrate why I love Panama so much. And they did a great job communicating with Panamanians and questioning them about their culture, even with their limited Spanish. Thanks a ton Mom & Dad, see you in December! Abrazos y besos! 

And back to the grind. I went to Carl’s site to help with an Elige Tu Vida “Choose Your Life” seminar for high schoolers for two days. The seminar begins with discussion and activities on goal setting, identifying your strengths and values, positive self talk, and the importance of education and information on different career paths. Then we talk about our reproductive systems, sexual health, the importance of consent, how STIs are spread, birth control and the consequences of teenage pregnancy, and we even teach how to use a condom! It is a really fantastic and impactful program and important in the Comarca; many young people, especially women, drop out of high school after becoming parents. For example, my host brother became a dad at 16 - he is currently finishing high school but his 17-year-old girlfriend is at home caring for their son. Zach and I immediately went to Pilón to talk to the director about doing one there. He was into it - 20 pregnancies in the high school last year! 

I never would have expected this, but my English class (that now takes place in a chicken coop because the rancho is leaky and we’re in rainy season) has really been the most consistent part of my service so far. Probably because I only have a few committed students who live right next to the class location and who choose the date of the next class with me each time, but still. I decided I wanted to make things a little more official instead of just making up content on the fly as I had been doing, so I started to keep attendance with the promise that those who complete twelve classes will get a treat & a certificate, and began to follow a community english class guidebook written by Panama TELLS volunteers. So far, so good! I definitely like more structure, although of course I try to make it as fun as possible. We ended class with a game of ninja last time (no, it had nothing to do with English) and I have never seen my favorite teenager Dionicio laugh harder. I also went to Cerro Mesa to help get the ball rolling with an English class for Zach’s gente, which he is going to continue regularly.

I went to the city to 1) get my cast off - finally!! 2) a free day, so I went to visit Milvia, Elías, Jose Ismael, and the rest of the crew in Santa Rita! So lovely to see my Panama Oeste family and catch up. 3) attend the two day training-of-trainers for the next group of WASH volunteers. I will be co-facilitating training the second week of August. This week is pretty heavy on technical sessions, which is what I wanted! I have a lot of planning to do editing last year’s sessions and creating some new materials as well. The last day of TOT was Zach’s birthday, so we all went out dancing in Casco Viejo to celebrate. Ajooooé! So much fun. To follow up from my last post, I did end up making guacamole with Dominga, Carmen, Melvin, Jorge, and Oscar. I brought the tomato, onion, and plantains to make fried chips to scoop, and they provided culantro, lime, and avocados. It was not the tastiest, but most definitely the freshest guac I’ve ever had. I also went to Julio & Elma’s to teach them how to make popcorn (it was such a hit at my parents’ visit) because they are interested in selling it at their tienda. We did some quick profit calculations to figure out how they should price the bags. I also celebrated my birthday in Cerro Gallina! A bunch of kids (and some awkward chaperones) arrived to the chicken galera on a rainy afternoon for a piñata, pin the tail on the cow, guess how many beans are in the jar, popcorn, chicha, and the limbo. The tiny pan of brownies I made was not nearly big enough to feed all of my guests, so Zach and I ate it all ourselves. #treatyoself

I went with host aunts Elsa and Tita to an ASMUNG (Asociación de la Mujer Ngäbe) conference for two nights in another community. Many women from various parts of the Comarca arrived to hang out, catch up, and participate in an all-day conference with licenciados y licenciadas from the University of Panama and United Nations. They had done a study on the current state of indigenous women in Panama and shared the results with the group, for example the percentage of women holding government positions, food security, domestic violence, literacy rates, etc. There was a big brainstorming session that lasted probably four hours where the women pitched ideas for how to make life better for women across the Comarca. I tuned out during the parts in Ngäbere but overall WOW, what smart and determined women that make up this group. Their next meeting is in August, to elect a new directiva, and they want me to come. I am excited about potentially helping to form a new partnership between Peace Corps and this awesome organization.

I have quite a few things coming up. Tomorrow Eugenio and I travel to Coclé for a four-day PML (project management and leadership) seminar with the rest of my WASH group! I don’t know Eugenio super well yet, but he is a happy guy, a hard worker, consistently shows up to meetings and community work days, and the gente pretty much unanimously agreed that he should be the one to go with me. I’m pretty stoked for this week. I have a watershed protection charla planned for the 5th and 6th graders at the school later in June that I hope to later modify for adults too, if it goes well. The last week of June, Zach and I are doing a week of Elige Tu Vida seminars in our closest large high school! Since it’s an hour and a half walk from my house, we’re renting out an old Peace Corps volunteer’s house nearby for the week and are inviting many other volunteers to come help. Here’s to youth empowerment, wooo! 

Ok, so… I feel very good about everything that I have mentioned so far; let me tell you it is great to do work that you truly believe in. However, I must be honest here and admit that I’ve felt overwhelming stressed lately about the topic of “work” in the community. Gallina originally solicited a Peace Corps volunteer to build aqueducts…but at this point in time I am quickly losing hope of this actually happening. My biggest aqueduct proponent and surveying counterpart, Eduardo, recently got a job in the Comarca capital and now only returns to the community on weekends. We planned three surveying workdays and had to cancel them all because only one person showed up to help. When I am visiting these houses and explaining the process and need to land survey before planning a water system, many people seem to be somewhat indifferent about it. This potential system would only serve a small sector of the community, and I am seeing that this sector just doesn’t have enough animo right now. The people that have been consistently showing up to my meetings are dispersed throughout the spread-out community. So I am beginning to see that maybe a household-level project (possibly latrines, rainwater tanks, or both) would be a better idea, and also desired by the community. This way, only the families that are invested, regardless of what part of the community they live in, can directly benefit from a project. Great, right? But there are still certain people asking me, “When are you bringing us water, Bei?” which I will need to figure out how to deal with. And although I still have a couple months before the hard deadline to apply for a grant for a larger project, time passes rápido (where have the last two months even gone) and work gets done slooooowly. So yeah, I am stressed about this. Wish us luck, trying to move forward with WASH work!

Lunch @ Willy's with Heidy and Chelsea

Victor, Mom, Dad, me, Tito, and Benita

ETV!

I got the best role - playing the baby mama in the teenage pregnancy skit. A gringa and a Ngäbe produce a lil blonde baby in a nagua. Here I am asking for money from the baby daddy to pay for diapers!

What a cast interior looks like after four weeks in the campo! Gross.

Mom and Dad with some community members!

Heidy sketching Dad

When in Bocas del Toro, harvest cacao!

With Daniel, Marcelino, David, Elsa, and Miriam. What a fantastic family.

Hanging out on my porch!

Sketching for the "Theory of the Tank" charla at the ETV.

Bei's Chinese Sauce

Presenting to you, a smorgasbord of memories from the diary of Bei Kwitubu. Enjoy!

• I was hiking up from a workday of trying to dig through a mound of landslide rubble to get to a water source with the awesome gente of Boa, and I was tired and frustrated. On my way home two of my favorite chicas, Edilsa & Yolinda, invite me to go pick mangos and puma rosa (small fruit that I don't know the English word for) with them. Okay, but only because I like you two so much. They led me to a spot I hadn't been to before, and there were clear remnants of an old abandoned house next to this big mango tree. I inquire, and Edilsa launches into a story about how Enrique used to live here with his ex-wife and they had a baby and etc... I carry a notebook with me all the time that I use for everything, to write to-do lists, new Spanish and Ngäbere words, names, and also, gossip. So I write down some Spanglish notes on this new information from Edilsa and forget about it. Two days later, we're hanging out at Elma's house after church, and my notebook is sitting on the ground next to me while I'm reading a newspaper. Enrique randomly walks over, picks up my notebook, and opens it to the very page that I have written this gossip about him. *nervous laugh* Um, Enrique...please don't read that! Sorry! and I grab the notebook from his hands. Hopefully I got it before he read anything...
• I am hiking to Guayabal with my host parents. Instead of taking the normal path, I follow Victor under a couple fences and then up a veritable cliff as he bushwhacks with a machete ahead of us. Like I actually had to climb with my hands at some points. At the top, I'm sweating buckets and practically wheezing, and Victor sees my face and chuckles a little. "It's a shortcut, Bei." Some shortcut!! We get to Guayabal and sit down at a family friend's house that I haven't been to before. The friend stares at me and asks the typical questions to Victor - What's her name? Where does she live? Why is she here? Is she married? Does she speak Ngäbere? all in Ngäbere. And Victor answers Jän, niara blite krubäte Yes, she speaks a lot. Yes! I smile. This is probably the only trace of any kind of validation I'll get this week, so I savor it. Later that day, we are getting ready for choir practice with Cornelio and Emilia, and a friend of Cornelio's stops by, looks at me, and asks him the same string of questions. But this time the answer is Ñakare Nothing. She speaks nothing. 100 to zero in a few hours. Así es la vida.
• Imagine this: Friday you are standing in front of a classroom of volunteers at an eco-lodge in business casual, giving a presentation about your community. Saturday, you are running into the warm ocean in the dark, drinking a surprisingly delicious iced tea-tequila mix out of your coffee mug, surrounded by friends and bioluminescence, feeling as though absolutely everything is right in the world. Sunday, hiking an hour and a half uphill in the blazing sun, your liter of water running out halfway up and getting so dehydrated by the time you get to your destination that you actually vomit up your dinner of boiled eggs and bananas. Monday, giving a presentation on water treatment to a group of Ngäbes, making a joke about some untreated water tasting like toads. The gente laugh, and you are happy that your point got across. Later, learning that "toad water" is actually a vulgar sexual innuendo. Ooooops. And that was my weekend! 
• I am visiting Clemente's house. "Bei, do you get the stamp of the beast on your forehead this week?" Huh?! It took me a moment to realize that they were talking about Ash Wednesday. I explain, the ashes are in remembrance of Jesus's suffering in the desert and death, they symbolize that we are all going to die some day... I think my message got lost in translation because when I said "we're all going to die" their eyes widened, how morbid. Well, I tried. In the area of religion, especially explaining Catholic traditions, that is the best I can do sometimes.
• Roderik, little host nephew, comes by my porch. Give me ten cents, Bei. For what, I ask? To buy candy. Nope, sorry. It may sound cold, and it is hard at times not to give in, but I can't give out or lend money unless there is an emergency. Part Peace Corps rules and part common sense as a development worker. A few hours later he's back. Give me ten cents, Bei. For what? To make a copy for school. Nice try. He's in first grade and cannot write yet, copying a paper (which can only be done in San Felix) is an interesting choice for a lie, but request denied.
• Mucha plata por alla? Lots of money in the states? Is one of the questions I get asked most often. And my answer to that question is almost 100% dependent on my mood. Sometimes, I go into a rant about income inequality, sometimes I use my poor economics knowledge to attempt to explain that if we just print more money, the value of the dollar will decrease, sometimes I say money flies out of trees and see just how far I can carry the joke. :)
• Ñantöre, ti ngwae! Hello, my sister! I love when the men in my community call me their sister. Here, almost everyone is called family. A friend that is a generation older will be called uncle or aunt. Same age, cousin. A generation younger, niece or nephew. At first I couldn't believe that EVERYONE seemed to be related. Soon I learned that this is definitely not true - but it makes it hard to figure out who is family and who isn't, very important in analyzing the community social dynamic. I'm still learning who is actually family. 
• I'm sitting in Emiliana & Julio's house, scratching a mess of bug bites on my arms (return of the rainy season means BUGS at night) and they start lecturing me on how they passed my house, "Your yard is so dirty Bei! Covered with trash! That's why you have bugs!" and I ponder the cultural difference here. My yard is impeccably clear of trash; I either hike out, recycle, or repurpose all of my trash and also pick up all the wrappers and empty juice boxes kids toss in my yard. Meanwhile, like most houses in my community, trash is strewn all over the ground around their house. (side note: I have plans for trash management charlas in the works, tossing it wherever is a huge problem here) but to my gente it is plant overgrowth, not plastic, that's considered basura. And I admittedly have not been great lately about macheteing my yard. Point taken, Emiliana. I will be making a better effort to maintain my yard to hopefully control those bugs! 
• Riding up to site in the chiva on a Saturday afternoon. Saturdays are the worst days to travel in my chiva because it's church day, and so those who are not en el culto are getting plastered in San Felix. There are three drunk men in this chiva, already slurring and stumbling, and they are pounding six-packs and taking shots of seco from a communal plastic cup the whole way up. It's also pouring rain, so the canvas top is down and the chiva is hot and smelly. One guy vomits out the back, ew. Thank goodness one of my absolute favorite women, Rosina, is also in the chiva and sitting next to me. We share many eye-rolls at the drunks. We're almost to our stop when they light cigarettes. At this point I notice that we are carrying several full gas tanks up in the chiva bed. The pavo (still don't know why chiva attendants are called turkeys) is no help - *laughs* "Oh don't worry, this is only stove gas, not gasoline" but immediately Rosina goes off at them, screaming at them to put out the cigarettes, how we need to protect the health of everyone in the chiva. I was silently cheering on this badass woman, but simultaneously shaking in my seat, terrified that we were going to go over a bump, a bit of gas leaks out, and we would all explode. 
• It is avocado season! I am hanging out with Melvin and Carmen and Dominga, and they are scooping avocados out with spoons. Have you guys ever tried guacamole? I ask. Negative. I explain that it's a Mexican salsa (salsa translates to sauce and is therefore a very general term for anything that's somewhat like a sauce) of avocado, cilantro, lime, onion, and tomato. Sounds delicious, Bei! So like, salsa china? (soy sauce) No, it's not really like salsa china at all, I answer...but I can't think of any foods similar to guacamole that they know to more accurately describe it. Can you teach us how to make it? Sure, give me a date and you provide the avocados, I'll bring the rest. "We're going to learn la salsa china de Bei" Dominga states contentedly. So this is how guacamole became Bei's Chinese sauce. P.s. we set a tentative date to make guac tomorrow. Hope it goes well!

Post with work & life updates and more photos coming this week, promise!

Playtime!

SENAPAN organic composting day

It's crocs & soccer socks season again

Bigira, Cuchi Cuchi's son & friend Carl's cat. Basically, Cuchi Cuchi with balls.

I made a beautiful dinner and was trying to get into my hammock bug net while balancing my bowl and a solar lamp in my non-casted hand - missed the hammock, fell onto the floor and hot curry spilled all over me. I had to take a photo with the hope that someone could laugh about it later... I did manage to salvage most of the curry by scooping it from the inside of the bug net (cochino, I know) and didn't get badly burned or anything, all good here.

Cuchi Cuchi, Tuna, and Scooby Doo (or in Spanish, Escubi Du)

Head up, heart strong

Keep your head up, keep your heart strong.

Keep your mind set, keep your hair long.

Oh my my darlin', keep your head up, keep your heart strong.

No no no no, keep your mind set in your ways,

Keep your heart strong.

'Cause I'll always remember you the same.

Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change.

Ja tuita, Tächi Terabu. We will miss you so much.

The past few weeks have been tough, but simultaneously inspiring.

I went to my friend Courtney's community to help give a water committee seminar! Her directiva seemed to enjoy it and it led to some quality discussion about their water system.

Here's the poster I made for the charla I led on Watershed Protection.

I went to visit MINSA in San Felix. We discussed getting our water committees legally recognized and got the legalization paperwork. I also asked about the next steps for the Bajo Conejo neighborhood aqueduct project that our local representative is funding, because I'm still in the dark on when and how this funding will be delivered and what my role (if any) should be in this whole deal. MINSA suggested I go talk to the "district engineer" at the Municipio in Hato Pilón - which I am planning to do this Thursday. I have a feeling there are a lot of bureaucratic hoops yet to jump through, and to be honest I have doubts this project is going to happen, but I'm going to do everything I can to make sure the government cumplirs this promise. When I got home from MINSA, I sat down to talk with my host dad Victor and a few others. After some small talk, Victor said, "Okay, Bei. It is April. Here's my question. How are you going to spend your $6,000 budget for community projects?" 

Come again?

He told how Choi, the first volunteer, had explained to them that typically a first volunteer conducts a community analysis, training and studies and a second volunteer does a project - which is often true. However the reality got misconstrued in translation [note: this is no one's fault. Remember that Spanish is the second language for both parties. I misunderstand and get misunderstood allllll the time] and apparently some of my gente believed (believe?) that I have money already in the bank to give to the community. So I explained, with all due respect, that is completely false. If the community and I decide we are ready to put in the effort for a project, I can apply for funds. My application is carefully reviewed and must be accepted by Peace Corps, and then an outside entity has to actually fund it. Funds are never guaranteed from the start. So then Victor asked, "So is it possible for a volunteer to pass the two years without doing anything?" At first it really, really stung to hear that. So I tried to explain... the English classes, Choi becoming fluent in Ngäbere and playing on the local baseball team, the times we have introduced new foods and taught songs, given charlas and trainings, the soap making day, helping Bajo Conejo form a water committee, me learning to make chakras and singing in the church choir, the countless times we have sat and drank cacao and shared stories about our two cultures. THAT is the heart and soul of Peace Corps, that is not "nothing", a big infrastructure project is certainly possible but not necessarily right for every community. And Victor affirmed that he knew this, which I know deep down he does. He said he was worried for his neighbors. He has a latrine and access to clean water in his house, but he knows that many of his friends and family do not, and he doesn't want them to miss this opportunity to work with Peace Corps to help them get these things. And I totally agree; more and more people have taken the initiative to ask me if I can help them and I believe they deserve the help I can give. I walked away from that conversation feeling somewhat disheartened but also thankful that I now have a clearer perspective. We are still in the process of determining if two small neighborhood water systems are going to be feasible -- if they are not, Victor suggested a latrine project, which I'm also very much on board with. Because the grant process is long, we need to be all ready to apply by around the end of June. So, as always, we'll see.

In the morning on April 9th, we received word that our fellow volunteer Cody had passed away. It was shocking. The G79 Comarca volunteers immediately decided to meet in San Felix that day. I had just briefly told my neighbor what happened and that I was leaving when I slipped and fell walking down to the pozo to fill my water bottle and landed hard on my left wrist. I immediately knew that it was badly hurt because it was bent funny and I couldn't move it without sharp pain.

Ouch. This is the photo I sent to the Peace Corps doctors, who mandated me to a hospital immediately. (I had a pretty good wristwatch tan going...)

I called for help, my host family came quickly and helped me to my house, where we made a makeshift sling and I managed to throw some clothes and essentials into my backpack. The driver at the entrada to my hike didn't answer his cell so I hiked 50 minutes to Cañazas, waited for a chiva, rode to Juay, waited for a bus, rode to David, walked to the clinic, and finally got there about six hours after my fall. I was given a butt shot of painkillers (ha) and then an IV with more painkillers, x-rays, and the doctor determined I had a distal radius fracture in my wrist. He made me a temporary splint and released me after midnight to go sleep. The PC doctors told me I had to go to Panama City to see an orthopedist, so I headed out Monday morning. They took more x-rays, then I had to go back in Tuesday morning. I was given light anesthesia while the doctor reset my wrist to elongate & align the bone that I had broken, then I was given prescription anti-inflammatories & painkillers and a permanent cast which I have to wear for four weeks. 

Overall, although I was in a very strange mental state trying to process both the death and this injury, I was blown away by how positive the experience was. Nearly everyone in the hospital was friendly, the doctors were patient, the Peace Corps med staff arranged everything for me and called me each day to check in, the hospital in Panama City especially was so nice and so clean. The first doctor in David asked me where I went to school, then told me with delight that he'd just taken a trip to Michigan last month! He whipped out his phone and scrolled through photos of him standing in front of the Union, the State theater, and UMMA. I almost started to cry. How much I miss that place! The warm treatment I received was quite the contrast to my neighbor's angry reaction when I fell down. "You need to be more careful Bei! Why were you walking here anyways?" It made me think a lot about how accidental injuries are just not affordable for many people in my community. The transportation, the lodging, food, medical bills. These are all completely covered for me. And on top of that, there is so much racism against native people in Panama. I wonder if Ngäbes experience the same kindness that I did when they go to the hospital. Life is unfair, and I happen to be one of the lucky ones.

A group of Cody's closest friends worked tirelessly from Sunday to Wednesday to plan a Celebration of Life service for him Wednesday afternoon. I got to help put together a slideshow of photos and video clips. We picked Keep Your Head Up by Ben Howard as the background song, because we know that is what Cody would want us to be singing as we mourn his death. Sargent Shriver's quote The Peace Corps is guilty of enthusiasm and a crusading spirit. But we're not apologetic about it. could not describe the essence of Cody more perfectly. The night before the celebration, all the Comarca volunteers gathered to prepare something to present the next day. At first, no one knew how to begin. But soon, the stories began pouring out. So many hilarious, fun, extraordinary memories he had made the past nine months! He loved getting his hands dirty and jumping into projects, building his whole house from various scrap materials he gathered around his community. I remember one of the first weeks of training, he had somehow compressed the entirety of Wikipedia into a file small enough to fit on a flash drive, and he brought it to class to share with anyone who wanted it. Locked out of his friend's house at night? He rigged a makeshift hanging tree bed until he got there. No pancake syrup in Tolé? Leave it to Cody, he boiled down soda on the stovetop to make strawberry syrup. He was famously the most creative chef of our group, making egg rolls, spicy tuna sushi rolls, and even figuring out how to make homemade doughnuts using only ingredients found in a rural tienda. I will remember him especially for his unbelievable generosity. Always cooking something new to share, he was in the process of making paracord survival bracelets for all of us G79 squirrels, and he was telling me at IST all about the gourmet lunch he cooked for over 100 people when his parents came to visit him. This is just a small handful of the stories that defined who he was as a volunteer. At the service, a variety of volunteers, staff, and even the US ambassador to Panama and the Panamanian president attended and spoke. This year's Panamanian Special Olympics will be dedicated to Cody. Amazing.

The whole week was a reminder of how strong and incredible our Peace Corps Panama family is. Over 100 volunteers came, some that didn't even know Cody. His mom, brother, and sister flew in from the states to attend too. Wow. I got to talk to his brother a little and I was just amazed at how intelligent and strong this whole family is. Because Cody was a craft beer fan, we all went out together to a brew pub after to continue the celebration. Even the Peace Corps Panama director Diane came to the pub with us! The whole day was filled with tears but also smiles and so much laughter. I gave and received hundreds of hugs. We are grieving but we continue the fight for our friend. Everything we do in our service from here on out is that much more meaningful, because we are doing it in the spirit of Cody.

I got to go back to site for a few days, for which I was grateful. I talked to some families in more detail about what had happened, spent some time with the kids, finished building a shower stall at my house, and figured how to cook, do laundry, and wash dishes one-handed. On Easter, I tried to make a coconut bunny-shaped cake, but it all fell apart coming out of the pan. Oh well. I shared it with my host family anyways, and also made a little poster explaining some of the Easter traditions (bunny, dying eggs, egg hunt, etc) in the United States. Lately I've been having some issues with certain strong Adventist beliefs I don't agree with and the Catholics-are-evil sentiments from several community members, so I was grateful my host family was interested to learn about how my family celebrates Easter. (They do not celebrate it or consider it a holiday)

I am back in the city for a check-up & x-ray, and the next month contains even more traveling. Mom and Dad will be here in 8 days!!! Cannot wait for them to meet my community and experience the best of Panama. I'm helping out with a seminar in my friend Carl's community, have to go back to the city to get my cast off, then finally to the office for a Training-of-Trainers. I was selected to help train the incoming group of WASH volunteers arriving in July for a week, which I am super excited for.

Although overall I've felt somewhat down the past couple weeks, I am looking forward to the coming weeks & months. A vacation, and the return of the rain. I think the heat, the dust, the wind, the layer of ash that coats my house each day from all the burning, the dwindling water supply, have started taking a toll on all of us and the impending wet season will bring a much-appreciated change.

Chong & Tito "reading". Thanks to Tyra for the wonderful picture books!!

Cast-signing in Mesa. "What is the purpose of this?"

Yolinda. I love this chica.

Avocado season is upon us :) :) :)

This is the best part of being home. They are growing rápidamente!

Prayer Request

Hi readers - on Saturday one of our fellow Comarca volunteers passed away suddenly in a tragic accident. Cody was an exceptionally smart engineer and problem-solver, a fun lover, a generous soul, full of a ridiculous amount of enthusiasm, and I am so lucky to have called him a fellow G79 volunteer and squirrel pal the past 9 months. I am looking forward to celebrating his life tomorrow in Panama City.

https://www.peacecorps.gov/news/library/peace-corps-mourns-loss-volunteer-cody-oser/

I ask that you keep his family, friends, community members, and all of Peace Corps Panamá in your prayers, if you are so inclined.

Also...I slipped while walking down a hill & fractured my left wrist on Sunday and am now in a cast...I am not at all sure what the next month or so is going to look like because of this.

More updates soon.

Xoxoxoxoxo
Bei