Keep your head up, keep your heart strong.
Keep your mind set, keep your hair long.
Oh my my darlin', keep your head up, keep your heart strong.
No no no no, keep your mind set in your ways,
Keep your heart strong.
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change.
Ja tuita, Tächi Terabu. We will miss you so much.
The past few weeks have been tough, but simultaneously inspiring.
I went to my friend Courtney's community to help give a water committee seminar! Her directiva seemed to enjoy it and it led to some quality discussion about their water system.
Here's the poster I made for the charla I led on Watershed Protection.
I went to visit MINSA in San Felix. We discussed getting our water committees legally recognized and got the legalization paperwork. I also asked about the next steps for the Bajo Conejo neighborhood aqueduct project that our local representative is funding, because I'm still in the dark on when and how this funding will be delivered and what my role (if any) should be in this whole deal. MINSA suggested I go talk to the "district engineer" at the Municipio in Hato Pilón - which I am planning to do this Thursday. I have a feeling there are a lot of bureaucratic hoops yet to jump through, and to be honest I have doubts this project is going to happen, but I'm going to do everything I can to make sure the government cumplirs this promise. When I got home from MINSA, I sat down to talk with my host dad Victor and a few others. After some small talk, Victor said, "Okay, Bei. It is April. Here's my question. How are you going to spend your $6,000 budget for community projects?"
Come again?
He told how Choi, the first volunteer, had explained to them that typically a first volunteer conducts a community analysis, training and studies and a second volunteer does a project - which is often true. However the reality got misconstrued in translation [note: this is no one's fault. Remember that Spanish is the second language for both parties. I misunderstand and get misunderstood allllll the time] and apparently some of my gente believed (believe?) that I have money already in the bank to give to the community. So I explained, with all due respect, that is completely false. If the community and I decide we are ready to put in the effort for a project, I can apply for funds. My application is carefully reviewed and must be accepted by Peace Corps, and then an outside entity has to actually fund it. Funds are never guaranteed from the start. So then Victor asked, "So is it possible for a volunteer to pass the two years without doing anything?" At first it really, really stung to hear that. So I tried to explain... the English classes, Choi becoming fluent in Ngäbere and playing on the local baseball team, the times we have introduced new foods and taught songs, given charlas and trainings, the soap making day, helping Bajo Conejo form a water committee, me learning to make chakras and singing in the church choir, the countless times we have sat and drank cacao and shared stories about our two cultures. THAT is the heart and soul of Peace Corps, that is not "nothing", a big infrastructure project is certainly possible but not necessarily right for every community. And Victor affirmed that he knew this, which I know deep down he does. He said he was worried for his neighbors. He has a latrine and access to clean water in his house, but he knows that many of his friends and family do not, and he doesn't want them to miss this opportunity to work with Peace Corps to help them get these things. And I totally agree; more and more people have taken the initiative to ask me if I can help them and I believe they deserve the help I can give. I walked away from that conversation feeling somewhat disheartened but also thankful that I now have a clearer perspective. We are still in the process of determining if two small neighborhood water systems are going to be feasible -- if they are not, Victor suggested a latrine project, which I'm also very much on board with. Because the grant process is long, we need to be all ready to apply by around the end of June. So, as always, we'll see.
In the morning on April 9th, we received word that our fellow volunteer Cody had passed away. It was shocking. The G79 Comarca volunteers immediately decided to meet in San Felix that day. I had just briefly told my neighbor what happened and that I was leaving when I slipped and fell walking down to the pozo to fill my water bottle and landed hard on my left wrist. I immediately knew that it was badly hurt because it was bent funny and I couldn't move it without sharp pain.
Ouch. This is the photo I sent to the Peace Corps doctors, who mandated me to a hospital immediately. (I had a pretty good wristwatch tan going...)
I called for help, my host family came quickly and helped me to my house, where we made a makeshift sling and I managed to throw some clothes and essentials into my backpack. The driver at the entrada to my hike didn't answer his cell so I hiked 50 minutes to Cañazas, waited for a chiva, rode to Juay, waited for a bus, rode to David, walked to the clinic, and finally got there about six hours after my fall. I was given a butt shot of painkillers (ha) and then an IV with more painkillers, x-rays, and the doctor determined I had a distal radius fracture in my wrist. He made me a temporary splint and released me after midnight to go sleep. The PC doctors told me I had to go to Panama City to see an orthopedist, so I headed out Monday morning. They took more x-rays, then I had to go back in Tuesday morning. I was given light anesthesia while the doctor reset my wrist to elongate & align the bone that I had broken, then I was given prescription anti-inflammatories & painkillers and a permanent cast which I have to wear for four weeks.
Overall, although I was in a very strange mental state trying to process both the death and this injury, I was blown away by how positive the experience was. Nearly everyone in the hospital was friendly, the doctors were patient, the Peace Corps med staff arranged everything for me and called me each day to check in, the hospital in Panama City especially was so nice and so clean. The first doctor in David asked me where I went to school, then told me with delight that he'd just taken a trip to Michigan last month! He whipped out his phone and scrolled through photos of him standing in front of the Union, the State theater, and UMMA. I almost started to cry. How much I miss that place! The warm treatment I received was quite the contrast to my neighbor's angry reaction when I fell down. "You need to be more careful Bei! Why were you walking here anyways?" It made me think a lot about how accidental injuries are just not affordable for many people in my community. The transportation, the lodging, food, medical bills. These are all completely covered for me. And on top of that, there is so much racism against native people in Panama. I wonder if Ngäbes experience the same kindness that I did when they go to the hospital. Life is unfair, and I happen to be one of the lucky ones.
A group of Cody's closest friends worked tirelessly from Sunday to Wednesday to plan a Celebration of Life service for him Wednesday afternoon. I got to help put together a slideshow of photos and video clips. We picked Keep Your Head Up by Ben Howard as the background song, because we know that is what Cody would want us to be singing as we mourn his death. Sargent Shriver's quote The Peace Corps is guilty of enthusiasm and a crusading spirit. But we're not apologetic about it. could not describe the essence of Cody more perfectly. The night before the celebration, all the Comarca volunteers gathered to prepare something to present the next day. At first, no one knew how to begin. But soon, the stories began pouring out. So many hilarious, fun, extraordinary memories he had made the past nine months! He loved getting his hands dirty and jumping into projects, building his whole house from various scrap materials he gathered around his community. I remember one of the first weeks of training, he had somehow compressed the entirety of Wikipedia into a file small enough to fit on a flash drive, and he brought it to class to share with anyone who wanted it. Locked out of his friend's house at night? He rigged a makeshift hanging tree bed until he got there. No pancake syrup in Tolé? Leave it to Cody, he boiled down soda on the stovetop to make strawberry syrup. He was famously the most creative chef of our group, making egg rolls, spicy tuna sushi rolls, and even figuring out how to make homemade doughnuts using only ingredients found in a rural tienda. I will remember him especially for his unbelievable generosity. Always cooking something new to share, he was in the process of making paracord survival bracelets for all of us G79 squirrels, and he was telling me at IST all about the gourmet lunch he cooked for over 100 people when his parents came to visit him. This is just a small handful of the stories that defined who he was as a volunteer. At the service, a variety of volunteers, staff, and even the US ambassador to Panama and the Panamanian president attended and spoke. This year's Panamanian Special Olympics will be dedicated to Cody. Amazing.
The whole week was a reminder of how strong and incredible our Peace Corps Panama family is. Over 100 volunteers came, some that didn't even know Cody. His mom, brother, and sister flew in from the states to attend too. Wow. I got to talk to his brother a little and I was just amazed at how intelligent and strong this whole family is. Because Cody was a craft beer fan, we all went out together to a brew pub after to continue the celebration. Even the Peace Corps Panama director Diane came to the pub with us! The whole day was filled with tears but also smiles and so much laughter. I gave and received hundreds of hugs. We are grieving but we continue the fight for our friend. Everything we do in our service from here on out is that much more meaningful, because we are doing it in the spirit of Cody.
I got to go back to site for a few days, for which I was grateful. I talked to some families in more detail about what had happened, spent some time with the kids, finished building a shower stall at my house, and figured how to cook, do laundry, and wash dishes one-handed. On Easter, I tried to make a coconut bunny-shaped cake, but it all fell apart coming out of the pan. Oh well. I shared it with my host family anyways, and also made a little poster explaining some of the Easter traditions (bunny, dying eggs, egg hunt, etc) in the United States. Lately I've been having some issues with certain strong Adventist beliefs I don't agree with and the Catholics-are-evil sentiments from several community members, so I was grateful my host family was interested to learn about how my family celebrates Easter. (They do not celebrate it or consider it a holiday)
I am back in the city for a check-up & x-ray, and the next month contains even more traveling. Mom and Dad will be here in 8 days!!! Cannot wait for them to meet my community and experience the best of Panama. I'm helping out with a seminar in my friend Carl's community, have to go back to the city to get my cast off, then finally to the office for a Training-of-Trainers. I was selected to help train the incoming group of WASH volunteers arriving in July for a week, which I am super excited for.
Although overall I've felt somewhat down the past couple weeks, I am looking forward to the coming weeks & months. A vacation, and the return of the rain. I think the heat, the dust, the wind, the layer of ash that coats my house each day from all the burning, the dwindling water supply, have started taking a toll on all of us and the impending wet season will bring a much-appreciated change.
Cast-signing in Mesa. "What is the purpose of this?"
Avocado season is upon us :) :) :)
