Hello! I have so much to update about, however I have little internet time and I must spend it all rapidly trying to submit a grant application before the deadline!!! #procrastinatorproblems
So here's a little piece I wrote for the upcoming issue of La Vaina (basically, 'The Thingamabob') the PC Panama volunteer literary magazine. Hope you enjoy. Will be in the city for mid-service med appointments next week and I'll do a big 'ol life update then :)
~
You've Got a Long Way to Go, Girl
My journal entries, phone calls to my
parents, WhatsApp messages with fellow volunteers are full of complaints. The
kids trash my porch, the adults hardly show up to meetings, people still don’t
understand why I’m here, students aren’t motivated to succeed in school…and the
list goes on. I realize with horror how much I sound like a person whom,
because of her education level or wealth or perceived intelligence or whatever,
thinks she is somehow better than
those surrounding her. And this is anything, anything but the truth.
After 11 months I have hardly scratched
the surface of a true understanding of my gente, what makes them tick and why
they think and act like they do. On the contrary, they somehow understand me
completely; often I am struck with the thought that my gente know me better
than I know myself. I was paseando with
Miriam, and I was in a terrible mood but making my absolute best effort to
smile, chat, and pretend like everything was normal. All of a sudden Miriam
asks, “Why are you so sad, Bei?” How did she do that?! Her mother Elsa comes
into the room and sticks out her hand for my plate and spoon. Feeling ashamed
that I forgot my bowl, I tell her thank you, but I’m not hungry today. Elsa
narrows her eyes and disappears into the kitchen, returning with a perfectly
small portion of rice and mustard green soup in a little bowl. How did she know
this was exactly what I wanted?!
But the person who gets me more than
anyone is my 11-year old host brother, Walter. I turned down the invitation to
an overnight excursion with the Adventist church by pretending I had an important
compromiso the next day when
truthfully, I just didn’t want to go. I figured I had convinced them until
Walter came by my porch as soon as they returned and asked, “Bei, really, why didn’t you go this
weekend?” Another time we were relaxing around the house, and out of the blue
he asks me, “Bei, if your family had a kid like Tito, would you care for him?”
Tito is a severely disabled grandson who lives with my host family. I began to
stumble through an answer, “Well, of course we would, but it’s different in the
States…” I know that I wouldn’t be able to care for him without ever uttering a
single complaint, nor make the necessary sacrifices to ensure that he was
attended to by an immediate family member 24 hours a day, 365 days a year like
my host family does. As I struggled to find the words to explain this, my
family stared at me and in that moment it was clearer than ever that the gente
see me for who I really am – someone who is selfish at heart, someone who
doesn’t possess a fraction of their innate compassion and generosity. When planning
charlas we say to “get down to their level”, but I disagree with this
statement; I need to get UP to their level. My gente are, absolutamente, better human beings than I will ever be. I’ve got a
long way to go and I am so grateful that my community has opened their hearts
and let me in so that I can begin down that road.
~
And a few people I love!
Adrián at a penca hut workday
